This article, Wisteria Rascals, was written by OvaltinePatrol. Please do not edit this article without their explicit permission.

"Your embarrassment is as sweet as lace! What delight, in your disgrace!"
—Harrington Spotsby-Smythe, Champion of Chaos

The secret shame of Barstar, the Wisteria Rascals comprise of a core of fallen Sinopia Mongooses along with the dregs of other, lesser warbands. They exist to raze the pillar of stability and scandalize all decent people.


True Hisotry

The leaders of the Rascals were members of the Sinopia Mongooses who had all attended the Ecko Academy of Fine Arts before becoming astartes. They were multimedia experts who received additional leadership training and instruction in propaganda, memetic engineering, and psychological warfare. With the influx of Imperial culture to Barstar came the influence of Chaos slinking on its coattails. The people of Barstar were unused to either, and the sudden rise of Chaos cults put them in a frightening position of being caught in between bizarre, arcane forces and the indiscriminate discipline of their new masters.

Weapons, Vehicles & Equipment

The Rascals are a young warband, formed from traitor elements of a young chapter. Their equipment reflects this, they have no storied relics or Heresy-era super weapons. Instead they make do with highly serviceable armaments from more recent eras, that they hope to coax daemons to possess.

Their color scheme is mostly comprised of wisteria, as one might expect. Their armor trim, rivets, and other parts are a pale but glamorous Vegas Gold. Their face plates are a mocking orchid, a tribute to their tendency to humiliate their foes with their schemes. Curiously they elect to paint their left legs Princeton Orange, presumably because this clashes with wisteria in a manner that further scandalizes the people of Barstar by drawing comparisons to the upstanding Sinopia Mongooses. Their horns are in a rich cornsilk color, it's not quite known what creature they derived these from.


"If you see the Aubergine Mystery looming over the sky, you know things have just gone pear-shaped."
—Ashlaigh Cardigan-Platt Darling LXXXV.

The Rascals have a very small fleet that is well suited to the kind of ambushes and hit-and-run battles they favor, though it would be torn to shreds in a proper slug-match against any kind of a real battle group. Their "flagship," is the corrupted Lunar-class cruiser known as the Aubergine Mystery.



  • Sinopia Mongooses: The Rascals specialize in humiliation, yet they keep the secret of their relationship to the Mongooses close to their chest. The Mongooses rage in impotent suspense, waiting for the shoe to drop and their shame to be broadcast to the galaxy; assuming they can't wipe out the traitor Spotsby-Smythe and all his ilk.


"Your future is looking grimmer and darker by the minute, isn't it sport?"
—Ducky "Bloodgorger" Rumsfeld-Mathers.


"Not even a garden party or ice cream social is safe from these blackguards!"
—Captain Whitney Saltinstall of the Sinopia Mongooses
"I'll get those rascals if it's the very last thing I do!"
Douchard Bagge
"Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their Inquisition file right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of blight grenades into the PDF's swim meet? Who delivered plague zombies to the Governor's dinner? Every Saint Sabbat Feast Day, the trees are filled with webber filaments. Every spring, the toilets explode...This year is going to be different. This year we are going to grab the bull by the balls and wipe those punks off the face of the Segmentum."
Mord Bösewicht von Totenkinder
"Wh- what is this? Is this... pink? PINK!? RAAAAAAUGH!"
Malak Blackspawn following the infamous "Color Bombing" of Lupercal's Folly[src]
"I wouldn't be so quick to judge master... I mean, the glitter is a nice touch. "
—Umbal the Duelist, giving his honest opinion on the Color Bombing