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"Wot's it, ya block'eaded bloke? A busted thingy-ma-jig that done fell off the blasted wot's-it-called? Yeah, yeah...I'll fix it before the hour's up...wiv me eye's closed..."
—Weasel

Weskilitrompkiv Selumyvoo, better known to others as Weasel, is a Sacristan in the House of Cadmus, specifically aiding Sir Jacob of Raline maintain the Knight Warden Thunder Walker.

History

"Oi, Jack! Hold me flagon, 'n watch tis!""
—Weasel has an idea

Weasel was born to lower class parents decended from nobility. Apparently, it was tradition to give their children long, exaggerated names. He met Sir Jacob when the latter was dubbed a Lord, at age 21. Sir Jacob however, found pronouncing the ridiculous tongue twister infuriating and dubbed his friend "Weasel." The name stuck, much to the chagrin of Weskilitrompkiv, who prefered his full name.

As far as his expertise with machines, Weasel has thus far only disclosed that the Adeptus Mechanicus trained him to maintain Imperial Knights. How he came under their tutelage is unknown; Weasel claims it was because "I took the wrong bus home." Sir Jacob suspects that Weasel is keeping information from him, given the secretive nature of the Cult of the Machine, but he is content to leave it be.

Personality

"Feck off, ya bloody wanka"
—to everyone

Weasel has a sharp wit and a very sardonic outlook of life. He is very crude and sarcastic, often snubbing at nobles to their backs if he was in a good mood. In a bad mood, he'd just say it plain to their face.

Despite this, he is a loyal friend and helpful asset to Sir Jacob. Indeed, it is thanks to Weasel that Thunder Walker operates as smoothly as she does. Sir Jacob has often turned to the mechanic for advice and help, and though it is not always orthodox, or even ethical, Weasel is always willing to help his friend.

Methods

"Another shipment of Mr. Bagge's products and parts from the Adeptus Mechanicus disappeared at Raisa again. This can't be a coincidence.""
—Inquisitor Mord Bösewicht von Totenkinder

Weasel is the sort of character who believes the ends justifies the means.  As such, he has evolved from a mere Sacristan.  He is the leader of a multi-planet smuggling and black market operation, where sacristans like himself steal forbidden technology and programming codes from freighters that come to Raisa every so often.  The best treasures Weasel saves for Thunder Walker, the rest he sells or trades with other Sacristans who want to impress their respective lords.

Sacristans gain precedence and honor by the care and upgrades they provide to their lords Imperial Knight Suits. Many knights would certainly be surprised and pleased if their suits where not only repaired, but repaired with vastly superior parts than before; Overclocked weapon systems, recharging Ion Shields and untarnished Adamantium Plate Armor is just the tip of the iceberg of what Weasel and his crew deal in. Most Lords are so pleased, that they wouldn't bother to ask questions. As such, nothing has ever been able to implicate Weasel, despite growing agitation from the Adeptus Mechanicus and the Inquistion, as such actions border on Tech Heresy.

Age and Enhancements

"Ain't no bones 'bout it. Course, I ain't gots no bones..."
—Weasel

Weasel is over 100 standard years old, but still maintains the appearance and mentality of a young man in his late 20's. This is thanks primarily to Juvie Treatments and enhancements from the Adeptus Mechanicus.

The Mechanicum is infamous for abandoning the flesh for metal. Weasel, however, a Sacristan, was not a true member of the Mechanicum, and was less inclined to chop up his body. He resigned himself to only a few "Adjustments" to his body. First and most notably, Weasel has no skeleton. In its place are metal struts and gears, designed to support his body weight and allowing him to perform the arduous task of repairing Imperial Knights with relative ease. Also, Weasel's senses are heightened, his eyes, ears, smell and reaction time are all enhanced by secret Mechanicum technology.

Relationships

(ADD YER OWN, WANKAS!!)

Friendly

Sir Jacob of Raline

The honorable lowborn knight of House Cadmus is a very close friend of Weasel, and has been since the day they met. The two of them rarely leave eachothers side, and if they do, they are connected via Voxlinks. Sir Jacob trusts Weasel with his life, and counts on him to make the right move in repairing Thunder Walker. He is described as Sir Jacob's anchor, pulling him through when he needs advice or a strong hand to pull him back to his feet.

Enemy

Aston Hoelle

Aston is currently Weasel's primary rival for the affection of Inquisitor Rosanne Thrace, though at the moment, it appears the Inquisitor is currently uninterested in their advances, or at least, is putting them on hold for the moment due to the nature of her work. Aston relies on his wealth and power to get what he wants, where as Weasel is going for his winning personality. Outside of romantic sparring, Aston also lives to antagonize Weasel, belittling his humble lifestyle and history.

La Familia Morvoglio

Weasel's smuggling operation has stepped on some toes, and one of the more dangerous enemies he has unknowingly made is La Familia Morvoglio. Deadly crime family and secret Genestealer cult, House Morvoglio has set its eyes on Weasel, and more insidiously, on claiming House Cadmus for the Tyranid Swarm.

Quotes

(Add your own!)

By Weasel

"Well, there's the bloomin' problem, m'lord...yer an idiot..."
—Weasel to a knight after finding out the source of a Suits problem
"Listen, mate. Yer pitching yerself inta uncharted territry. Women are as barbaric as Orks, mad as a Traitor Marine, 'n untouchable as an Eldar. Ya got better luck plowing through a fecking herd o' Carnifexes."
—To Sir Jacob, on courting women.
"I gots me a headache, 'n guess wot the fecking remedy is?"
—Weasel
"It ain't that I'm inta older women. I likes me a strong woman, which is what she is...pretty too. Just doesn't see it hersalf, poor ting. She's been through alot, I can tell that much. Well, she hasn't come 'round taday, so maybe she wised up and decided a Sacristan woulda made a crappy boyfriend. Or maybe she will, Emperor willin'."
—Weasel on his relationship with Rosanne Thrace

By Others

"Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Relatively."
—Rosanne Thrace directing her agents to keep tabs on Weasel
"I'm sure we have much to offer each other, my dear Weskilitrompkiv. My House has much technology, and you are a most....delicious specimen."
—Trinita Morvoglio of La Familia Morvoglio attempts to gain a new business partner/mate/victim
"I think the two of us have similar mindsets, my friend. One scientist to another, let me show you what I can do."
Sasha Nex
"Well, your not wrong. He isn't of a major romantic bent...or intelligent...or pleasant smelling (he does take showers, just not often). But this is true of Weasel; you will not find a more loyal, trustworthy son of a bitch to stand by your side when the fur starts flying."
—Sir Jacob to Rosanne Thrace when she asked about his character.

Trivia

  • Weasel has an unreasonable fear of moss.
  • Despite never having a stable relationship, Sir Jacob consults Weasel most often when seeking advice on courting Medical Officer Celestina Neverone.

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