- "Wot's it, ya block'eaded bloke? A busted thingy-ma-jig that done fell off the blasted wot's-it-called? Yeah, yeah...I'll fix it before the hour's up...wiv me eye's closed..."
Weskilitrompkiv Selumyvoo, better known to others as Weasel, is a Sacristan in the House of Cadmus, specifically aiding Sir Jacob of Raline maintain the Knight Warden Thunder Walker.
- "Oi, Jack! Hold me flagon, 'n watch tis!""
- —Weasel has an idea
Weasel was born to lower class parents decended from nobility. Apparently, it was tradition to give their children long, exaggerated names. He met Sir Jacob when the latter was dubbed a Lord, at age 21. Sir Jacob however, found pronouncing the ridiculous tongue twister infuriating and dubbed his friend "Weasel." The name stuck, much to the chagrin of Weskilitrompkiv, who prefered his full name.
As far as his expertise with machines, Weasel has thus far only disclosed that the Adeptus Mechanicus trained him to maintain Imperial Knights. How he came under their tutelage is unknown; Weasel claims it was because "I took the wrong bus home." Sir Jacob suspects that Weasel is keeping information from him, given the secretive nature of the Cult of the Machine, but he is content to leave it be.
- "Feck off, ya bloody wanka"
- —to everyone
Weasel has a sharp wit and a very sardonic outlook of life. He is very crude and sarcastic, often snubbing at nobles to their backs if he was in a good mood. In a bad mood, he'd just say it plain to their face.
Despite this, he is a loyal friend and helpful asset to Sir Jacob. Indeed, it is thanks to Weasel that Thunder Walker operates as smoothly as she does. Sir Jacob has often turned to the mechanic for advice and help, and though it is not always orthodox, or even ethical, Weasel is always willing to help his friend.
- "Another shipment of Mr. Bagge's products and parts from the Adeptus Mechanicus disappeared at Raisa again. This can't be a coincidence.""
- —Inquisitor Mord Bösewicht von Totenkinder
Weasel is the sort of character who believes the ends justifies the means. As such, he has evolved from a mere Sacristan. He is the leader of a multi-planet smuggling and black market operation, where sacristans like himself steal forbidden technology and programming codes from freighters that come to Raisa every so often. The best treasures Weasel saves for Thunder Walker, the rest he sells or trades with other Sacristans who want to impress their respective lords.
Sacristans gain precedence and honor by the care and upgrades they provide to their lords Imperial Knight Suits. Many knights would certainly be surprised and pleased if their suits where not only repaired, but repaired with vastly superior parts than before; Overclocked weapon systems, recharging Ion Shields and untarnished Adamantium Plate Armor is just the tip of the iceberg of what Weasel and his crew deal in. Most Lords are so pleased, that they wouldn't bother to ask questions. As such, nothing has ever been able to implicate Weasel, despite growing agitation from the Adeptus Mechanicus and the Inquistion, as such actions border on Tech Heresy.
(Add your own!)
- "Well, there's the bloomin' problem, m'lord...yer an idiot..."
- —Weasel to a knight after finding out the source of a Suits problem
- "Listen, mate. Yer pitching yerself inta uncharted territry. Women are as barbaric as Orks, mad as a Traitor Marine, 'n untouchable as an Eldar. Ya got better luck plowing through a fecking herd o' Carnifexes."
- —To Sir Jacob, on courting women.
- "I gots me a headache, 'n guess wot the fecking remedy is?"
- Weasel has an unreasonable fear of moss.
- Despite never having a stable relationship, Sir Jacob consults Weasel most often when seeking advice on courting Medical Officer Celestina Neverone.