This article, Un Ei da Crusha, is still being written. The author, DeathReaperEye7, apologises for the inconvenience.
This article, Un Ei da Crusha, was written by DeathReaperEye7. Please do not edit this article without their explicit permission.
"Oh how delicious, this ork withstood my psychic blast! How strange! Tzeneech works his marvelous ways. Well this was fun ork, let me take your eye to remember you by, that way you won't have it dangling in your face as you walk, how does that sound?"
— An unknown Sorcerer of the Thousand Sons trying to kill Un Ei with knowledge

The Creation of Un Ei da Crusha

Un Ei (One Eye), before he was given this name, was once a measly Ork lad that went by the name of Durg before he became the infamous Warboss of the Evil Eyz Klan. His life was filled with drinking grog, pullin' teef, and living a happy Ork life on the volcanic death world of Vulcan 6, within the ruins of an ancient Necron city amongst his tribe, the Hot Feetz.

Here come da Spikey 'Umans!

This happy life was interrupted by an invasion of a massive Chaos host. This host were intent on opening an ancient warpgate on the near lifeless planet to invade the nearby Helfinis System. The Chaos forces gathered there, used Durg's tribe, including many others, as an offering to the Architect of Fate. To Durg's luck, he soon found himself as the sole survivor of the terrible slaughter. A Sorcerer of the Thousand Sons pitied the filthy Ork as much as a Chaos Sorcerer could. This led the Sorcerer to give Durg a gratified and hilarious death in his eyes - a death by knowledge.

The Sorcerer

The Sorcerer filled Durg's primitive mind with the knowledge of the world, and more importantly, the knowledge of Tzeentch. Unfortunately for the sorcerer, Durg lived through the spell-induced seizure (just barely) which did not end Durg's life with a usually satisfactory exploding head. Durg on the other hand was now mentally unable to function, and one of his eyes hung uselessly from it's eye socket. At that moment, Durg was invaded by the literal mind of Tzeentch. He could hear the Changer of Way's thoughts, motives, and everything Tzeentch did - from the breathing of the Neverborn within the Empyrean to the trillions of voices that whispered all around him. Tzeentch sensed the primitive creature's feeble mind in his domain and stared with his multitude of evil eyes into the young Durg's soul.

The Universe's Smartest Ork

When Durg awoke from his ordeal he found that one of his eyes was now missing and that he was surrounded by miles of rotten, long dead orks. Durg was ecstatic to find so many free teef, without having to compete against any of his fellow orks. Durg also found that things where easier to mentally grasp and that he was able to perform such basic skills as counting more than "lots", as well as being able to surgically remove the teeth from each dead individual ork's mouth. Durg spent days collecting these teeth. After he was done he created a mound of teeth that he sat upon, meditating in a sorts, (as much as an ork can meditate) gaining more knowledge and allowing Tzeentch, who he called "The Evil Eyes" to control him.

Da Gitz

After his equivalent to a mental rebirth, a fleet of Flash Gitz found the runty ork sitting atop the pile of teeth. Seeing no reason not to take this rich booty as their own from the puny ork, they proceeded to do so. Durg however, would have none of this, and proceeded to fight back against the upstart Flash Gitz. Taking his old Warboss's massive canine he proceeded to cleave the unwelcomed orks in twain. Durg's remaining eye started to glow malefically with warp energy, and began to ramble in an unknown Chaos tongue. He started to grow to the size of a Nob as he slayed each armed Flash Gitz. Durg's arm was vaporized by one of the Flash Gitz Snazzguns. However, Durg continued to fight until the very last Gitz was dead. This feat impressed the Flash Gitz Captain who went by the name Big Hat Bolg, who proceeded to invite the upstart Durg to join his retinue.

The Orky Life for Me