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The Emperor's To-Do List

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This article, The Emperor's To-Do List, is a non-canonical humour article written for entertainment purposes. It is not to be taken seriously, and does not need to follow any storyline in particular.
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EmperorCharacter1

The Emperor's List of Things to do after Resurrection

The God-Emperor of Mankind is currently taking a well earned nap and totally not dead. But that doesn't mean he's stopped caring about Humanity. He even has a list of things to after he's done taking his nap and has a hearty breakfest.

Note: Only start edits from the bottom of the list! Otherwise you'll mess up the space-time continuum.

Oh and don't put a reference to yourself here. A reference to one of your articles is okay, although any more really is pushing it.

Similarly, do not make references to OTHER users. And any comments which appear to be harassment will not be tolerated nor taken lightly. Even if they are directed at yourself: SEE ABOVE.

The Holy List (not in any order)

  1. Rebuild the Imperium to its former glory before it got screwed it over.
  2. Drag Leman and Corax out of the Eye of Terror.
  3. Resurrect Rogal Dorn
  4. Go to the Rock and backhand El'Johnson till he wakes up.
  5. Visit Roboute Guilliman and tell him to heal already! 10,000 years is BS!!!
  6. Recushion the Golden Throne
  7. Launch a Holy Crusade to find my missing bottle of awesome-sauce. The key to my success!
  8. Tell the Adeptus Mechanicus to stop keeping secrets and actually try to advance technology and reverse-engineer Xeno-tech so we don't have to copy whatever crap the Dark age of Technology left us.
  9. Threaten to Exterminatus Mars if they don't comply with #6.
  10. Threaten to Exterminatus Mars if they don't comply with #8.
  11. Put the Dark Eldar in rehab.
  12. Beat Khorne and Khaine at arm-wrestling. AT THE SAME TIME!!!
  13. Devise a plan that is so complex and so elaborate that I can say "Just as Planned" to Tzeentch.
  14. Purge Chaos from the universe and seal the Eye of Terror.
  15. Complete #13 by taking every Astartes, Guardsman, Inquisitor, Soroitas, Commissar...Hell everyone in the Imperium, give them guns, surround the Eye of Terror, and then let the Greatest of all Holy-Shitstorms ensue!
  16. Make peace with the Tau and trade technology with them.
  17. Make peace with the Eldar and trade technology with them.
  18. Eat a live Carnifex without the aid of sauces.
  19. Eat another live Carnifex with the aid of sauces.
  20. Beat a Commissar at a Western-Style shootout.
  21. If unable to find Leman in the Eye of Terror, then send search parties throughout the Empire to find that awesome excuse for a Space Viking, Leman Russ, and if he's found alive, hand his ass to him like I did before I got stuck on this throne.
  22. Destroy a Tau Battle-Suit...WITH A SPORK.
  23. Create a First Founding 2.0 to make the Angry Marines and other such guys canon.
  24. Kick Game Workshop's ass and make this damn plot move!
  25. Personally execute Fulgrim, Perturabo, Angron and the rest of them traitor Primarchs.. after the Inquisition has given them a proper torturing.
  26. F***, trip-out, and drink the whole of Commorragh under the table, and then kick PUNT their stoned arses into Hell.
  27. Somehow find a way to come back without sparking off galaxy-wide religious hysteria.
  28. Curb stomp Abbadon
  29. Beat a Lord of Change Greater Daemon in a game of Chess in only 5 moves.
  30. Teach Imperial Guard generals some actual tactics other than throwing more Guardsmen at it.
  31. Replace the Guards flashlights Lasgun with something that can actually do shit. Guardsmen with Pulse Rifles and Gauss Flayers HELL YEAH!!!
  32. Gather all 1 million pieces of Khaine and put him back together
  33. After completing #32 punch him so hard he breaks into 2 MILLION pieces.
  34. Drag Fulgrim out of his closet.
  35. Teach the Commissars NOT to kill the Guardsmen they lead
  36. Give Alpharius and Omegon a hug for staying secretly loyal and fighting Chaos from within for ten thousand years, then ground them for a decade for all the damage they did in the process.
  37. Be a better father to the rest of my sons, as not to spark another shitstorm that will inevitably cripple me for another few millennia.
  38. Deceive the C'tan false God "The Deceiver" by tricking him into giving over control of the Necrons to me.
  39. See if anything is chasing the Tyranids and see if they're friendly.
  40. If #38 is not true: Launch the prototype promethium planetary bombardment torpedo.
  41. Invent a deodorant that works on Typhus.
  42. Redesign the power armor pauldrons. CAN'T SEE SHIT WITH THESE THINGS ON!
  43. Find out the meaning of life.
  44. Make a legendary thunder-shield for myself.
  45. Make my armor out of Necrodermis, I'll be invincible then!
  46. Make Commissar Yarrick into a living saint.
  47. Organize my birthday party.
  48. Out-prank and out-funny Cegorach... probably the most difficult thing to do on my list.
  49. Apologize to Lorgar. None of this would have happened had I simply explained my super-secret-starve-the-fuck-out-of-Chaos idea to him. And then I could have let him preach when everything was as planned. Wow I was an ass.
  50. Win a blinking contest with the Eye of Terror.
  51. Pacify the Orks and keep them alive for gladiator sports or target practice for the Space Marines.
  52. Congratulate Abaddon for doing more damage to the forces of Chaos than my armies could have done in the same amount of time by being an incompetent fuck, then push him down a staircase.
  53. Create a super sleeping pill for the Void Dragon so he'll never wake up. In case it won't work, I will pummel him back to sleep personally. It worked before, thus I suppose it wouldn't be too much harder a second time, but I have a lot of better things to attend to so the sleeping pill is worth a try.
  54. Find the C'tan called "The Outsider" and rehabilitate him. If not possible, kick him into a Black Hole.
  55. Modify my voice so it sounds like Peter Cullen!
  56. Set up arrangements for my return where I launch myself out of a Vindicator and hit a Demon Prince, causing him to explode.
  57. Figure out how to tell Mechanicus to add pimp wheels to my golden throne then maybe a magma cannon or something badass...
  58. Give the Blood Ravens a DNA test.
  59. Find Ynnead and give him to Khaine just so that i shall have the joy of watching pissed Eldar.
  60. Find Rylanor The Ancient of Rites and give him a Chapter to kill the rest of My Now Masochistic Slutty Children.
  61. Outdrink a Dwarf in a drinking contest even though the Dwarves are from Warhammer Fantasy.
  62. if cannot find fantasy dwarf for #61, find Space Dwarf / squat then challenge him to a drink off at Bugmans (thats the planet, not the brewer lord).
  63. Piss off the World Eaters before pwning them all.
  64. Remove the Inquisition.
  65. Make Loyal Renegades return(Why did the Inquisition kick them out of the Imperium anyways?)
  66. Find son #2 and son #11 and kill all jedi
  67. Buy some Malzbier. The second key to my success!
  68. Apologize to Angron. If I had saved his buddies as well he wouldn't have turned to evil.
  69. Lol 69 amirite?
  70. Find a way to come back to life. That Starchild and Sensei-Emperor shit won't work.
  71. Have a dreadnought back-up plan.
  72. Tell Roboute Guilliman to fucking NEVER WRITE ANOTHER DAMN CODEX!!! It allows for no god damn good tactics!
  73. Go pick up some Adepta Sororitas in my aforementioned Golden Pimp Throne. Why? Because I have thousands of fine ladies that have been saving themselves just for me punks!
  74. Ressurect Goge Vandire, and then kill him again. Then repeat the process until I get bored.
  75. Send one, just one company of Ultramarines to Warhammer Fantasy Battle to pound them all. They may have come first, but we all know who the better man is here. SUCK IT SIGMAR!!!
  76. in regards to #75, send sorry note to Karl Franz, and rename Ultramarines Ultrasmurfs, due to their dramatic defeat by 5 Empire soldiers, because they refused to acknowledge false mouistach disguises.
  77. Defeat Mecha Streisand.
  78. Found a Chapter with combined geneseed from Me and all of my children.
  79. Listen to Rammstein - Stirb Nicht Vor Mich and not crying over my long lost love
  80. Remove flashlights Lasguns from the list of Imperial Weaponry.
  81. Learn how to yodle.
  82. Master any kind of magic, including the Force, Regeneration, Elemental Control and regular spells wich will not lead to some wierd profecy including some wierd bald guy.
  83. Play Dawn of War
  84. Eat Dinner
  85. Watch the CollegeHumor's Warhammer reference over and over again, and try to figure out if they mean 40K or Fantasy.
  86. Kill CollegeHumor if they meant Fantasy.
  87. Find Waldo
  88. Beat Chuck Norris in a fight
  89. Find out wich is best: The Imperial Guard or the US Military
  90. Go back in time and meet those who made this list
  91. Take 20,000 Push-Ups
  92. Take 30,000 Sit-Ups
  93. See if the Nazis have any resemblance to the Inquisitions' Imperium.
  94. See if the Nazi's bear any resemblance to Death Korps, Cadians, or Death Guard.
  95. Read all of the Ghost_K Wiki.
  96. Check if i am Lactose Intolerant.
  97. Watch The Big Bang Theory.
  98. Meet The Doctor.
  99. continuing from #98, ask him to let me have a spin in the TARDIS, then sign my gauntlet.
  100. Send the Fury Incarnate to anger management.
  101. Try to speak british.
  102. may find #101 hard because im Turkish; but then again all my subordinates speak British - British.
  103. Aquire the Death Star
  104. Aquire the TARDIS (Churchill style)
  105. Become a Knight in all the countries possible. Including Sealand.
  106. Find out if Terra actually is destroyed in M5000.000 (need TARDIS first)
  107. Drag Jaghathai Khan out of the Webway.
  108. Make new legions for son #2 and son #11.
  109. Facepalm in the irony of how the whole "no gods" and "don't worship me" things worked out.
  110. Get through the Maze of Tzeentch without using hints.
  111. Steal the Planet Killer. (need extra bleach for this though)
  112. Conquer the Hedoth Empire.
  113. Aquire the Blown Out Sun and it's Fleet and blow up Hive Fleet Behemoth so that i don't have to send Mr. Codex and his Ultramarines to anger management.
  114. Watch Ultramarines The Movie and see for myself if it sucks or not
  115. (cntinuing from #114) gouge out eyes and become a navigator for watching such Blaspheme (would autherising shooting myself, but casting good, and excellent script; just boring- features Ultramarines)
  116. Find the Black Library and read all of it's contents(It is gonna take a myself damn lot of time, but i am gonna do it) [may go mad from boredom]
  117. Curb stomp Eldrad Ulthran for being such an ass, for starting the Second War for Armageddon and other crap.
  118. Invent a time machine and go back in time and prevent the Horus Heresy.
  119. find the doctor, steal TARDIS, then go back in time (cant be F----- to build my own) to prevent Horus Heresy (Dornian Heresy much nicer, but need to keep Salamanders and Blood angels Loyalist)
  120. Revise. Invent a time machine and go back in time re-shape the entire universe to my will!
  121. Later go back in time and comedically screw up important religous events, film it, sell it, then go back in time and stop myself, and return to #112.
  122. scrap #121, because id be screwing myself up; as during youth, got drunk, started a church...
  123. High-five Davian Thule for being so bad-ass
  124. Film the reaction of the entire Adepta Soroitas when I walk up to them and denounce divinity. (Though I can see why they would think I am a god.)
  125. Slap Khorne, Slaanesh, Nurgle, and Tzeentch, then tell them to shut up and make me a sandwich.
  126. Revise #117 any sandwich made by them would be gross. Just tell them to shut up and get back in the kitchen and stay there for all eternity.
  127. Create a ultra hot Empress of Mankind.
  128. Make a guest appearence in Nurgle's chapter in The Gods' Everyday
  129. Get my Awesomesauce and Mazbier back from Nurgle
  130. Stop the Cole Train
  131. Decide upon a catchphrase To infinity and beyond!
  132. Resurect Morgan Freeman.
  133. Make Morgan Freeman my main councilor
  134. Make Morgan Freeman a saint.
  135. Rule the universe with Morgan, Logan Grimnar and Gabriel Angelos cause they'r both so incredibly awesome.
  136. Have the Adeptus Custodes stop spending 10,000 years guarding the blasted palace and help the rest of the Imperium.
  137. Rescue Isha from Nurgle
  138. Create my own planet killing, doom's-day, death star...thing.
  139. Create a inter-dimentional portal and wage war against the worlds of Star Wars and Star Trek.
  140. cont- #139: record time it takes to conquer their universes (seriously you seen the size of even an Imperial battle frigate in comparison to Starship Enterprise, and Star Destroyers)
  141. Check to see if the Void Dragon or Ferrus Manus are really under Mars.
  142. Stop the Inquisition from killing all of the Sensei. (Why! Just why? I thought these morons worshipped me and now their killing my sons?)
  143. Bring back the Space Wolves 13th company from the Eye of Terror. They need a vacation.
  144. Find Vulkan
  145. Find Alpharius and Omegon. (Cause they're totally alive)
  146. Kick the Cabals ass for messing with Alpharius and Omegon's head and WANTING Horus to win.
  147. Beat Tzeentch at poker.
  148. Rage at Kharn on a level so vast, he will run away crying.
  149. Go into a berserker state so crazy that all the Khornate Berserkers will say "Daay-umm!"
  150. Plant my power boot knee-high up Erebus' ass! All this crap was his fault.
  151. Do #23 again.
  152. Beat the crap out of Darth Vader
  153. Get a White Dwarf subscription
  154. Be so scary, it will make the Night Lords shit their pants in fear.
  155. Invent a personal theme-song
  156. Co-Host a comedy sit-com with the Laughing God.
  157. Personally kick down the gates of the Ecclesiarchal Palace and demanded why people are worshipping me when I specifically banned religon.
  158. Have the Imperium be more tolerant to other races, exterminate the violent ones, but exchange knowledge, ideas, and technology. Doesn't that just sound like a great idea?
  159. Dis-infect Nurgle until he is squeaky clean.
  160. Ponder the similarities between the Terminators and the Necrons.
  161. Send expeditionary fleets to explore outside the Galaxy.
  162. Get a haircut.
  163. Get the armor cleaned and refitted. Because clean uber duper battle armor is the first step to a healthy diet!
  164. Destroy the Warmongers. Me-help us all! Smart World Eaters running around with Storm-Bolters? Not on my watch!
  165. Search the Galaxy for all the Sensei and have a huge family re-union.
  166. Upon my return, kick down the doors to Abaddon's war meetings. And as they stare shocked say, crack my knuckles loudly and say "Your all my bitches now..."
  167. Remove card-board Flak armor from the Imperial Guard inventory and replace it with something decent, like carapace armor.
  168. Forge my own Uber Ban-Hammer!
  169. Run Slannesh through a flaming wood-chipper. Lets see how good he feels after that!
  170. Build my own Epic-class Battleship as my Flagship.
  171. Stop the Adeptus Astartes from stealing ALL the credit. Let the Imperial Guard have some glory too, they have it worse than you numb skulls!
  172. Host of scare contest between the Lords of Midnight and the Night Lords.
  173. Include the Dream Invaders in the scare contest.
  174. Face a legion's worth of Zombies without anyone but myself and my Uber Ban-Hammer and my Uber Duper Power Armor.
  175. Kick the asses of the pretty marines and then let the Angry Marines have them
  176. Find out what Uber means.
  177. Declare myself a Weapons Specialist.
  178. Get 2 AA-12's and out-shoot the Tau
  179. Get 2 M4 Carbines and out-shoot the Tau again.
  180. Record one of the Tau's annoying speeches and play it to them over, and over, and over again till they realize how annoying they are.
  181. Pit Astartes and SPARTANS against eachother and discover once and for all WHO IS DEADLIEST!
  182. Build the biggest Titan ever made in my image.
  183. Make Khorne Flakes compulsary for every Spacemarine's breakfast.
  184. Negociate a peace treaty between Humanity and Hedoth-ity, and all other advanced -itys.
  185. Find a fully Chaos infested world, get an Exterminatus fleet orbiting it, and say: "Gentlemen. Destroy!"
  186. Make an Epic Rap Battle of History with Me vs. Sigmar.
  187. Give the Awsomemarin's Primarch Barney Stinson the medal of awsomeness.
  188. Add The Doctor to my Retinue of Uber-Super-Duper Commanders of the Imperium.
  189. Make another Space Marine game and include me in any way.
  190. Re-Do this entire list.
  191. Rip Matt Ward in half.
  192. Create a Loyalist-Traitor Chapter! -=List entry removed by Thy Holy Inquisition due to suspected Heresy=
  193. Prior to charging at Abbadon's army, state "Im here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and im all outta gum".
  194. KILL Fulgrim, Cause i hate snakes.
  195. Drink the Demomans booze, eat the Heavy's Sandvich, drink the Scout's bonk and smoke all the Spy's smokes.
  196. Beat my high score in Tetris
  197. Enter Team Fortress 2 and do number 186.
  198. Break the fourth wall.
  199. Fix the fourth wall.
  200. Destroy all the major Chaos forces.
  201. When charging at the remaining Chaos forces, state: "Let's show these bastards what were made of. Cake. Of which is a lie. The cake is a lie. So we're just empty shells. About to kick arse."
  202. Beat an ork in a squig eating contest
  203. Finish writing this list
  204. Find Cypher, and figure out who's side that little shit is on.
  205. Take all Nurgle worshippers to a weight watcher class
  206. Collect a 40k army
  207. Write a heart-warming novel about the mishappenings of an Imperial family trying to survive in a Hive city´s underbelly.
  208. Do all the things that marks him as The Boss. Like Chop his balls off, get rejected, turn into a jet, fuck a fish and so on.
  209. Eat a bagel
  210. Enter the warp. Drag every single Chaos god in there out, AND THEN BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THEM!
  211. Mix One part Red After Shock, one part 151 rum, shake with ice and strai into an old fashioned glass, garnished with a stick of beef jerky cut into the shape of a person, and then set alight. Then drink the resulting "Napalm Sticks to Kids" cocktail.
  212. Give all of my sons a propper spanking for becoming deamon princes!
  213. Go back in time. Just so i can see if i can defeat Horus again with out having daddy issues. (Example: not crying during the fight)
  214. Have sex with Macha so she'll shut the hell up and have my half-human, half-eldar children. Neckbeards everywhere can then rejoice
  215. Bring all squats into the imperial army.
  216. Then...shit, I dunno, go watch Adventure Time or something.
  217. Show everyone that My Little Pony isnt that bad- ++Message intercepted by Angry Marines. Recieving reply: WE ARE COMING FOR YOU!!!++
  218. Resurrect Sanguinius. While im at it, figure out a cure for the Black Rage.
  219. You know what? Just resurrect all my loyal/dead sons.
  220. Finally turn off my nightlight. Seems like everyone was using it for something. Too bad.
  221. Confiscate Ashur-El Artashumara's razor blades and Linkin Park CD's, make him fill his anxiety medication prescription.
  222. Put a cushion on The Golden Throne.
  223. Watch "Two Girls, One Cup" without screaming like a girl.
  224. Convince the orks that the eye of terror is full of booze and guns.
  225. Reprogram the Necrons to run on windows 7.
  226. Make rollerskates standerd issue for all gaurdsmen.
  227. Tell nurgle to pull my finger.
  228. Issue free anti-chaos jabs to all schools.
  229. Pimp the Eldar out to every other race.
  230. Learn to play the space-ukulele.
  231. Kill a dragon just by shouting.
  232. Beat Creed at hide and seak.
  233. Make Batman a spacemarine.
  234. Apologise to Magnus, He was right about the whole "my favoured son will rape all of the imperium" thing.
  235. Win the game of space-time interdimensional chess/cludo/twister against Tzeentch, Creed and Cegorach.
  236. After #181, find his soul and let Slaanesh rape him, see how he likes it.
  237. Win The "Ultimate Chaos BBQ Cook-off" against the chaos gods and their favoured daemons.
  238. Finish that fucking webway project.
  239. Reunite With the Chaos gods as Friends.
  240. Surf a flying leviathan
  241. Have a meal at the Resturant at the End of the Universe
  242. Cure Marvin's depression
  243. Implement the Infinite Improbability Drive as the main form of transport in the galaxy. Or at least his own personal spacecraft
  244. Tell Gendo to stop being an ass and to love his son more and that instrumentality is bullshit
  245. Invent the anti chaos spray, and make a pocket edition available at only $9.99
  246. Build an exotic animal zoo from the funds raised from #236
  247. Defeat Sly Marbo
  248. Form a Segway Rough Rider cavalry unit which Creed can't hide.
  249. Finish that fucking Rubik's Cube I started 4 millenia ago
  250. If #240 is not possible, peel all the stickers off and stick them on in the right place.
  251. Relearn how to mass produce Terminator armor.
  252. Relearn how to mass produce Contemptor Dreadnoughts.
  253. Make Malal canon.No way!
  254. Mix Ork DNA with Space Marine DNA and create the ORK MARINES suck it right there NCF
  255. Oh and go back in time and kick Julia Gillard from office
  256. Then kick Slaanesh in the balls so hard he won't be able to rape any one
  257. Wage war with Gears of War and Halo
  258. Steal Gollums precious
  259. Strip down a Damoenette and see there true gender
  260. Use a Black Fortress on the scumbag town of Melton
  261. Melton is a small town in Victoria (in Australia) near Melbourne and Bacchus Marsh
  262. Make Chuck Norris the New Empeorer
  263. Have 10,000 years worth of food, after this long on the golden throne I'm hungry
  264. Kill the Brotherhood of Steel in Fallout for being a parody of Space Marines
  265. Make a Titan so big it breaches the Atmosphere
  266. Then jump off it with a jet pack and do a ground pound from that high up on a Blood Thirster
  267. Make Ork Marine a saint for making the 250th to do thing on this list
  268. Make Cryptomania an admin
  269. Save Private Ryan
  270. Release the Kraken
  271. Cut up the Kraken into fish fingers
  272. Then eat him
  273. Make Slaanesh sterile
  274. Also Khorne across the face till he goes calm
  275. Kick GW asses for making models so expensive
  276. Steal Max's Warhamemer book "words of blood"
  277. delete Noobz4life minecraft and see his faccial expression
  278. then take cover as he blows up
  279. then kill OrkMarine, just cause i want to.
  280. go on the today show
  281. get some grey knights to kill julia gillard
  282. Kill this asshole sitting next to me
  283. Visit the Crimson Marauders again.
  284. Find out the Stop and Swop truth
  285. Listen to Linkin Park's latest album, Living Things.
  286. Realise it's a piece of crap and that Linkin Park are a lame mainstream band with limited creative ability.
  287. Take the Geneseed from a turtle and a kangaroo and see what space marine it makes
  288. Invade another galaxy
  289. Attack Halo Universe
  290. Bring back the men of Iron
  291. Tell the users of this site to bloody stop putting references to themselves on this list.
  292. Get Xbox live.
  293. And Playstation Network.
  294. After I get a Xbox and PS3.
  295. Laugh at Duke Nukem for jumping a bloody retard and having really bad graphics after 10 YEARS OF PRODUCTION
  296. beleive the last comment you guys- hey I just broke the fourth wall, I can cross that off the list
  297. Throw a Necron in a Volcano and see if it will kill it
  298. Beat my pac-man high score.
  299. Program a tomb worlds worth of Necrons on Windows Vista and see how much easier it is to beat!
  300. Go into a shop and ask for four candles.
  301. Attack Mass Effect Universe
  302. Make Commander Shepard a primarch.
  303. Find out why no one has given me a bath in ten thousand years.
  304. Then find out why no one thought to give me bionics so that i could actually do something instead of sitting around on my arse all day with nothing to occupy my time than being the astronomicon.
  305. Go to the toilet, after 10,000 years I ought to be on the toilet for a year or two
  306. Make Master Chief a primarch.
  307. Censure Master Chief for being so short for a Primarch
  308. Lure a Hive Fleet into the Eye of Terror.
  309. Create a CHAOS EMPEROR
  310. Play Space Marine. Find a Box and melee it, the box than goes flying. It's so much fun!!!.
  311. Revise, Shoot the box with and over charged plasma pistol shot and kick it into a mob of Orks.
  312. The Last comment actually works. I've tried it.
  313. Figure out why i put an insurance on that 302 works on a To-Do list.
  314. Give the Rose Centurions a loyalty test to see if they worship me or their cats more
  315. Kill Top Cat Pennyworth if latter is true
  316. Kill the CHAOS EMPOROR for being to short.
  317. Kill Matt Ward so hard he dies.
  318. If number 216 works, program the Necrons to find and torture their creator. Try and hide from that, Matt Ward!
  319. Tell the Grey Knights to elect a new Supreme Grand Master. Drago ain't coming back, fuckwits.
  320. To order the new the Codex.
  321. Get a Power Stick of Protius.
  322. Watch Lord of the Rings then do 249.
  323. Try and kill the Queen of England and turn David Cameron to Chaos for fun.
  324. Have a beer
  325. Have another beer
  326. Have a third beer
  327. Kick Master Cheif from his position as a Primarch after realising it was a stupid idea, then realise a single space marine is greater than even the whole of Noble Team.
  328. After that, realise that Starcraft is a ripoff of 40k and attempt at sueing Blizzard with the catch phrase "Bad attempt at copyright avoiding is bad".
  329. Inject testosterone into a Terran Marine to make him actually class as male human as appose to an it.
  330. Invent an Imperial Inter-galaxy internet
  331. Play a game of the Warhammer 40,000 tabletop game with Sanguinius.
  332. Establish the rules of the internet into imperial law.
  333. Have a fourth beer
  334. Realise that Rule 43 was originally rule 42 when it was written, and slap whoever moved it with a rubber chicken, hard, as it was supposed to be forty-two for a reason.
  335. Buy a new rubber chicken and ready it for whoever changes the numbering of this list again.
  336. Revise #119 and #129 - Rescue Isha from Nurgle, and make her the smokin' hot Emperess of Mankind
  337. Teach everyone not to be so xenophobic, because of #327
  338. Get Facebook, even if I dont already have it.
  339. Make Live Chat less laggy
  340. Add the dead Primarchs on Facebook
  341. More beer
  342. Prank experiment: put something each of the primarchs is obsessed with into the centre of a swamp and time how long it takes for them to get there, with rules being they have to go straight through the swamp
  343. Clip Sanginius's wings before i do this so that he doesn't cheat by flying
  344. Make it to thing to do 1000 (that should keep me busy till M42)
  345. Join the Alfa Legion
  346. KILL MATT WARD!
  347. Make my rules for the horus heresy game by forge world so that I am so OP that it is imposible for horus to kill me so that I may have a few more years to do #332 and #337
  348. Fly over to Nurgles House and dump soap all over him them record him and watch him run around shouting IT'S TOO CLEAN!!! IT'S TOO CLEAN!!! IT'S TOO CLEAN!!! IT BURNS!!!! AHHHAGHHHAGHGHAAA!!!
  349. Drag the outsider out of his dyson sphere and blow it up.
  350. Beat Tzeentch in Paradox Poker then take his blue scribes and turn them into servitors
  351. eat a KFC bargin Bucket.
  352. Blackmail the Mechanicum into building a cannon large enough to fire an emperor class titan, name the super awesome result the griffcannon NCF Cannon Of Total Epic Uber Awesomeness (that ought to show those machine loving weirdos who's in charge)
  353. Write a trilogy of novels with five books in it.
  354. Tell Chad Smith he looks so much like Will Ferrell that it's ridiculous.
  355. Obliterate Britannia.
  356. stop matt ward from being born.
  357. recreate the men of iron.
  358. scare the tyranids by saying boo...
  359. create a mini me.
  360. update the ultramarines movie with better plot more fighting scenes with a dreadnought and better graphics.
  361. ignore order 355 as that is on Terra and won't look good on my mr nice guy top ten M42 contest.
  362. See what happens if I don't return a library book on time, if i don't get sent to a penal legion, rant about double standards and then backhand the closest member of the Adeptus Arbites. If I am sent to a penal legion, perform the wooshie finger hold on the soldiers escorting me and see how long it takes to take down an entire Imperial Guard regiment, with both hands tied behind my back along with a psychic null hood over my head.
  363. Finish this what to do list
  364. Get so fucking blitzed on wulfsmeade that the astronomicon turns brown, film the resulting galactic wide ship crash and call it "GET YER OWN GODDAMN WARP BEACON!!!!"
  365. Go to Middle Earth and kick Sauron's ass
  366. While i'm at it in Middle Earth collect the hobbits gene seed and create a army of Hobbit space marines
  367. Flood the Internet with memes of self.
  368. See what would happen between the Eldar and Middle earth Elves
  369. Use the Dwarves gene seed to make the Dwarf marines
  370. Put Sauron in the warp
  371. Pit the Middle earth fantasy against Warhammer fantasy and bet on who wins
  372. Win the lotto with the number 372
  373. Find out how I got to number 373 on my list
  374. try and hug a greater demon of Nurgle
  375. Find out what im going to write on number 420
  376. Go to Russia and have some Vodka
  377. Teabag the Empress.
  378. Post self teabaging the Empress on Youtube.
  379. Make the Imperial Taxers Canon-Friendly so I can get more monay!
  380. Successfully Rick Roll Cairos Fateweaver
  381. Turn Thraka's guts into sausage links and serve them to the Inquisition
  382. Pillage Gazkull's tribe and blame it on the Tau
  383. Then sit back, grab a beer, and watch T'au get pillaged
  384. Beat Sober Gamzee in a psycho contest
  385. Find how you get that boomerang on legend of zelda, ocarina of time
  386. Get more damn paper for this list
  387. Get a Death Star
    1. Screw the rules, I have money.
  388. Fix the atrocious grammar of this list. I never asked for this feel.
  389. Fix my chair
  390. Go to Nirn and pose as Tiber Septim
  391. Tell Necrus to fucking finish K21/2 for fuck's sate.
  392. Destroy Death Star
  393. Then get a new one
  394. then use it to destroy Damnos
  395. then blame  the necrons
  396. then watch as angry miners destroy Imotehk the Stormlord
  397. then make the Penitent Ravens canon
  398. then make them rebuild Damnos
  399. Post a fukkin comment the wall of the biggest, gnarliest lookin bloke on my FB friends list "m8 do u evn lft? Fukken 1v1 me kid irl i'll fukken wreck u"
  400. Wonder why the hell the previous item on the list was written in an Australian slang.
  401. Complete Empire's Total war as an American Indian faction
  402. Finish my game of Zonimon
  403. Get The Star Forge under control
  404. Blow up The Star Forge with the Death Star
  405. Rebuild the Star Forge
  406. Destroy the Death Star with the Star Forge's mass building controls
  407. Rebuild the Death Star again
  408. Wonder why there is only 1 Ocean World in the entire Milky Way Galaxy
  409. Rip this list
  410. Repair this list
  411. Dive into Sucreed's oceans
  412. Do a Happy New Year dive
  413. Fly with a starfighter into Holy Terra
  414. Finish the damn list
  415. Watch all of red vs blue, invent a dimension crossing thingy and kick Griff in the balls so hard that Tex is left speehless
  416. Then use Dimension Thingy to go to Star Wars universe and show Emperor Palpatine some real lightning hands
  417. Bring back Sanguinius because I didn't think of it before
  418. Apologise to Sanguinius for leaving him for last
  419. Apologise to Sanguinius for not intervening when Matt Ward screwed over his sons and made them emo/vampirey
  420. This is what I wrote for the 420th comment. Blaze it.
  421. Revise #352, instead of an Emperor class titan, and Emperor class battleship
  422. This number is just silly
  423. Delete this list because it's now full of more derp than lulz.
  424. Create a large chain of buildings on Terra spelling out the words "Gee malc" for all on Terra to see.
  425. Create a new gene seed out of bacon then create a whole chapter from that gene seed
  426. Make myself some Primarch daughters - maybe they will listen to Daddy. Besides I'm sick of all this testosterone.
  427. Out-Creed Creed.
  428. Get so ragey when Creed out-Creeds my out-Creed of Creed, that I kill him in the name of the Dark Gods and allow Abaddon to for the crimson path to Terra and the besiege the Imperial Palace.
  429. Don't make the same mistake as last time with Abaddon, so disband my Custodes, play dead on the Golden Throne and tell my forces to allow Abaddon a clear path to me, then when he's about to kill me jump up and bitch-slap him so hard that even Slannesh feels sorry for him, then teabag and kill him with a piece of paper.
  430. Post the teabagging of Abaddon on Youtube, the post a link on Facebook, and then tweet about it on Twitter.
  431. Follow TheCrimsonFucker on Twitter.
  432. Make Alucard a Primarch.
  433. Make Integra Hellsing the head of the Inquisition.
  434. Rewrite #426 so that it doesn't sound pedophilic.
  435. Revive Creed and make him a Primarch
  436. Gather all the non-Wardanite forces in 40k and launch a Crusade to kill Matt Ward
  437. Then have Jeremy "The Hamster" Vettock re-write what Matt Ward undid.
  438. Kill Calgar
  439. Make Captain Titus the New Chapter Master of the Ultramarines/Ultrasmurfs.
  440. Use the Codex Astartes as toilet paper. Seriously, I haven't wiped myself in ten thousand years!
  441. Make a machine that rates how sexy every Sister of battle is.
  442. Tell all the Sisters of Battle with a high rating that virginity is off their list of allowed things.
  443. Having done 441 and 442, make myself as attractive to those particular Sisters of Battle.
  444. Repeat 441-3 for female Imperial Guardsmen.
  445. Go back in time and purchase boxset of entire series of Friends.
  446. Having done that, return to present and watch entire series of Friends non-stop until I've seen every single episode.
  447. Go back in time and shake hands with John-117, or whatever we called the original Space Marine back then.
  448. If Rageus Quitus isn't funny, then go and bitch slap him personally.
  449. In 448, I was talking about his article.
  450. Create a pimped-out version of the multilaser that makes C.S Goto's multi-multilaser look like shit.
  451. Go back in time and teabag Hitler's dead body right when he shot himself in the head.
  452. This is just annoying, can the writers of this list make funny suggestions instead of just posting the dickish comments? is that so hard to do?
  453. Give Lion El' Johnson a big spanking for not telling the Inquisition about the Fallen Angels THAT HE DISCOVERED HOW TO BE EXTRA-PURE.
  454. Bitch slap Magnus
  455. Then spank Magnus and dangle him over a balcony
  456. Make the Ultramarines travel into the warp with their Gellar Fields turned off
  457. Create a planet-sized can of bug spray and use it on the Tyranids
  458. Use those psyker powers to rid the Imperium of the Ecclesiarchy please - The Sons of Ultramar are here to serve! 
  459. have Godzilla as my pet. 
  460. Collect two of every xeno, herd them onto a boat and then beat the crap out of every single one
  461. Replace Creed as Tactical Genius
  462. Reinstate Creed as Tactical Genius 
  463. Get Macha laid
  464. Take the entire chapter of Angry Marines and beat the shit out of Matt Ward 
  465. have me, The Black Templars and Angry Marines to find every single Star Wars fan out there who think that star wars can beat warhammer 40k and basically kill and beat the living shit out of everyone singel one of them. 
  466. watch RWBY, Black Lagoon and Hellsing Ultimate a thousand times over. 
  467. and adopt ruby from the RWBY universe as my adopted daughter. 
  468. have Death, me, Odin, God and Tzeentch play poker on every sunday night. 
  469. Try and remember half of the stupid references on this list.
  470. kick Goku's ass and tell every singel DBZ fan out that Dragon Ball Z sucks  
  471. have another beer. 
  472. Think about ending this damned list one day... 

473. Reminder of before ending this list to make every chapter qualified here to be CANON specially the Silver Knights chapter.

474. Actually read this whole list

475. Deal with that Azunar guy and The Consecrated. They're complete lunatics.

476. Make a 1v1 with khorne and make it more epic than a asura's wrath fight.

477. Drink a coffe.

478. Make music band withe the space marine,the adeptus mechanicus, the adeptas soritas and the imperial gards.

479. Make a boysband with the primachs.

480. Make the music Composed by Jeremy Soule.

481. Get Belisarius Cawl to give me a suit of that sweet-ass Power Armor that regenerates the body. Seriously, that ghost itch on the nose is killing me.

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