The Adder Report is a Inquisition document on the Space Marine Chapter Black Adders. It is famous because it was the last such report on the chapter before their decimation at the Destruction of Somme.
- Report Start
- Report Author: Jacob Flux
- Report Subject: Space Marine Chapter “Black Adders”
- Report Location: Feudal World Consett, Durham Sector, Ultima Segmentum
- Report Time: A3.390.576.M38
We exited the warp in The Late Shadow above Consett at 800 hours local time, then proceeded to the surface in a Valkyrie. We landed in the Alnwick Castle hanger, and were greeted by the Chapter Master Edmund Blackadder, several high ranking battle-brothers, and what appeared to be numerous demons of Nurgle, but we were assured they were in-fact a chapter serfs. We were then given a tour of the fortress-monastery.
Gold was abundant, on walls, ceilings, etc. There was also a wide range of art on display, both on and off planet sourced. I also believe I saw several paintings that were reported stolen a few decades back, but I did not comment. Aside from the usual rooms, such as a very clean armoury, there were numerous great halls, some of which were being used to host events with non-astartes attendance. When asked, the chapter master described the events as “family matters.” Again, no comment was made. (Other aspects of the fortress-monastery included in second part of report.)
Finally, we were shown the chapter master’s quarters. While my retinue remained outside, I sat down with the chapter master to interview him more closely.
Inquisitor: So, chapter master -
Edmund: Please, call me Edmund. We try to keep things around here… informal.
Inquisitor: Very well. One of the main questions the Inquisition has for you is why your chapter seems so reluctant to take part in combat.
Edmund: I am sorry to say Jacob, but you are mistaken. We’ve fought in numerous campaigns - Northumb, Jericos, Gerahan, just to name a few.
Inquisitor: True, and your track record is amazing. However, a theme in your campaigns is that the enemy is always attacked by another force - before your chapter ever engages them.
Edmund: I take the view, that it is better for the enemies of mankind to fight amongst themselves, then for us to fight them.
Inquisitor: Really? What about the Blood Ravens then?
Edmund: Ah… I’m sorry, that doesn't ring a bell… Blood Ravens, Blood Ravens… (suspected lying)
Inquisitor: A fellow chapter? During the Gerahan campaign, you told them the attacking Chaos forces had a relic of their chapters past, held in their command structure.
Edmund: Oh, I remember now. Yes, the Blood Ravens fought wonderfully to reach the heretic's command point. Shame the relic was gone by then…
Inquisitor: The Blood Ravens Company Master Ludwig believed there was no such relic there. I may also point out, in the attempt the company was severely depleted, and the survivors swore vengeance on your chapter. There are even reports they joined chaos soon after.
Edmund: What a terrible shame. (suspected sarcasm)
Inquisitor: Moving on. Tell me about the organisation of your chapter.
Edmund: We are a Codex Astartes compliant chapter, but because of lack of willing applicants, we only have four companies. We tend to travel as a singular force, but each company has their own… unique mindsets.
Inquisitor: Really? I have a previous report.... here. First Company, captained by you -
Edmund: I trust no other to lead my finest warriors.
Inquisitor: - are described as “slow-witted, cowardly, and rarely seen fighting.”
Edmund: Ah, well, you see -
Inquisitor: “Although they are proficient in combat, but only when fighting their way out.”
Edmund: Was this by Inquisitor Valahan? I’ll get them back for this… Joking, of course. (suspected lying)
Inquisitor: Right. “The Second Company sucks up to the chapter enough to cause a vacuum-”
Edmund: Captain Percy Percy is very keen to please.
Inquisitor: “ - While Third are amongst the most cynical men I’ve met, apart from the captain who is an airhead.” Really, an airhead?
Edmund: I have the strongest belief that is not true. We had George tested, it’s there. It's just very, very small.
Inquisitor: “Finally, Fourth Company manages time and time again to avoid being deployed to the front, while their captain believes walking slowly towards the enemy is a winning formula.” I’m sorry, how can someone like that be a Company Captain?
Edmund: It’s his moustache. Melchett has the most wonderful facial hair, it takes his Baldrick Darling two hours to comb it all.
Inquisitor: You mentioned Baldrick there, that is a special rank of chapter serf correct?
Edmund: Yes, it’s a personal servant, that tends to all a battle-brother’s needs. The name comes from an old family of servants, in fact my Baldrick is from the family.
Inquisitor: So he is called… Baldrick Baldrick?
Edmund: Generally I just call him Baldrick. I’ll just call him in, Baldrick!
(One of the aforementioned nurgle demon lookalike entrees.)
Baldrick: Yes my lord?
Edmund: Nothing, just stand there.
Inquisitor: One of your chapter relics has the name Baldrick, correct?
Edmund: Yes, The Putrid Y-Fronts of Baldrick. It’s a chemical weapon, currently stored on our moon, in a sealed ceramite vault, guarded by our only dreadnought, encased inside a scented candle. You can smell it at full moon, and we only deploy it in most dire need.
Inquisitor: I believe that is it Edmund. Where will your chapter be heading next?
Edmund: The Paradise planet Somme. Threat prevention, I’m sure you understand.
After departing the Chapter Master’s company, we returned to The Late Shadow, and entered the warp to leave the system.
- Report End