A list of Fanon quotes made by, of, or about the Imperial Guard; feel free to add your own, but please do not edit, add, or remove any that do not belong to you.

General Imperial Guard quotes

"I've always felt that in this twisted universe, there is no force mightier than a will of iron, nerves of steel, balls of brass, a sturdy lasrifle in your grip and fifty more men like you at your rear flank."
—Attributed to Colonel Marthin Argentus, during the early days of his command career
"The objective of serving in the Imperial Guard is not to die for your Imperium, but rather to make the other poor bastard die for his... Wait, do they even have Imperi--... Oh, bloody hell, I cocked up! Don't quote me on that, whatever you do."
—Colonel Marthin Argentus tries and fails to give an inspiring speech to his men.
"The big stick of the Imperium: it frightens it's enemies, but excites them a little as well."
Douchard Bagge


5th Penal Legion


"We are the convicts, mighty mighty convicts,
Dead men, one and all,
But come fire or rain or hail or snow,
Into Officer's pockets our hands will go!
—Unofficial Marching Song of Tango Squadron
"I've got a lot of fans; go on, ask Deek. He's one of em'."
Virgil Vasquez, putting his ego to good use.
"A man is many things. A man is brave, strong and intelligent. That means if you want to brawl with me, you're not a man, you retarded ape. Now why don't you save me some time and just go and beat your head against the wall for an hour? It should have the same effect as going a round with me."
—Deacon Coletrane's response to a challenge from another Penal Trooper
"Frost's a dick, the Sarge is scary and that big burly guy keeps giving me suggestive looks. Note to self: keep soap well in hand."
Jared Richter on his first day in service with the 5th
"Dance motherfucker! Oh, that HAD to hurt! Next time I tell you to dance, how about actually dancing you dumb son of a bitch?"
—Deacon Coletrane after shooting another Penal Legionnaire in the ankle
"We're the bottom of the barrel, the worst of the worst. If we don't fight, how can you expect those prats in the Regular Regiments to fight?"
—Deacon Coletrane
"Come on frost punch me in the balls again, i dare you"
Fredric Aslk reminding Frost about what happened last time he was punched in the 'balls'.
"Frederic, your a squeaky mechanical robotic motherfucker and I hope you remember that until the day I put a lasbolt in your head."
Frost talking to Fredric Aslk in regular Tango humor.
"Frost, remember the time i locked you in that inquisitor's chimera?."
Fredric Aslk reminding Frost of what happened last time he was insulted, utterly missing the joke... again.
"My momma always said, "Virgil, don't trust Cadians, they got their heads up their asses." Now I know what she was talking 'bout."
— Virgil talking about Deacon Coletrane and Cale Barakus.
"You want to hear what your mother used to say to me?"
—Coletrane's response to Virgil's comment about Cadians
"Not really. I was sick of hearing her bullshit anyhow; who do ya think did her in?"
—Virgil in response to Deek.
"Strong of body, corrupt of mind. We hold the line. We do what we do best. We die on our feet with our wounds to the fore."
—Deacon Coletrane
"Don't Touch my gun."
Cole Dunbar
"Everyone in the 5th is a dickhead. Thats why we all love it!"
—Raz Werlow[src]


"These Penal Legionnaires, they disgust me. They will do anything, commit the most craven acts of violence, genocide, assassination or biowarfare, for their freedom, or even for another day alive. That, however, makes them more useful than words can describe."
—An unknown Inquisitor describes the 5th Penal Legion
"Damn convicts stole our antifreeze to make moonshine. Downside was, our tanks took hours to defrost. Upside was, our infantry support was so pissed off from the hangover, not one Ork made it through the perimeter."
—Anonymous Draverean Tank Commander
"They're sending scum and villainy to fight me? They're sending convicted criminals to fight me? These soldiers should be working for me!"


54th Amerikon

What Emperor forsaken river is this?"

"Map says it's the Volturno."

"Every Fraking river on this Frotting planet is the Volturno!"

--Privates Rico Sandrelli and Gabby Drucker.

"Fraking Hell. What the Warp are they doing?"

"You know what they say, Cap, no plan survives contact with the enemy."

"Yeah, but they don't usually get massacred like this!"

--Captain Sarina Massey and First Sergeant Leopold Osowicz


Barstar 318th Mechanized Infantry "The Lads"

"Come on dog what's stopping you? Why not fight us?"


Cadian 501st Combat Engineers

"Men, we came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. The problem is, the damn Eldar chewed all the gum and kicked all the ass. So now, we gotta shove a boot in their ass. AM I RIGHT, CADIANS?"
—Lieutenant Jed Forsell on the battle of Arcadius V

"Sir, why are we dying for this piece of shit, anyway?"

-Trooper Duke Harvey

"Because it ain't the Emperor's piece of shit, Harvey. We gotta change that"

-Sergeant Jak Alverson's response

"Alright, ladies, y'all form up and move up that hill, it ain't gonna take itself! Kelly, fire your damn rifle! And Horton, you and your men watch those damn flanks, the 'nids are gonna plow right through if you don't! Keep it up ladies, we're only a quarter way up! Dale, get Jakson outta that pit, he's hurt bad! Take him to Jenkins, he'll know what to do! Good work, you worthless assholes, we're halfway up! Come on, scream, use your weapons! I better have a whole Emperor-Damned wasteland I can name after myself when y'all are done! Enfield, watch out! Come on you worthless little girls! A bunch of gun-babies can fight better than that! We're Cadians, boys and girls! Y'all act like it! Nice finish, Halverson! I take back what I said! Almost there, boys! Just a couple meters to go..."
—Captain John Forrester during the Tyranid invasion of Imperator Primus.


Molossian Dog Soldiers

"General my men's 'mounts' are eight hundred pound carnivores. If they don't get fed now the enemy will be picking over our chewed bones!"
—Major Sean Sharpe, 13th Molossians
"And whatever you do don't let the dogs out!"
—Major Ilya Napoleon Clifford


New Embyron Guardsmen


"It might be hot upon Tallarn in summer, but Imperator, it is nearly twice as bloody hot here during winter!"
—Anonymous Guardsmen
"It's so hot here, you are not allowed out of the crontrolled zones without a heatproof suit."
—Vock Celain


"Love their standard Infantry Carapace Armour. Near impervious to heat, and it is available to every soldier, regardless of rank."
Rugar Lazarus


"The enemy have sent demands from behind those fine high walls, eminently reasonable demands. So we shall respond to their missive as follows: begin shelling. Shatter the earth beneath their feet and crack the firmament over their heads. Let it never be said that the Imperial Guard do not at every opportunity, behave in an instructive fashion."
—Captain Farmingham


Grenadier Guards of Alsace

"The Guard dies, it does not surrender!"
—Last words of General Franz de Montmorency, 18th Cavalry regiment

Gearus Elite

"My men are far stronger than your frail dying eldar"
—Ali Sogun towards the end of his lifetime


"How fair they are, with their crystal rainbow colored ships that float above the ground, as if too good for this sinful dirt. See how they dance in the wind? The heart soars to see such art. Men, let's destroy something truly beautiful. Fire."
—Colonel Hurt


The Iron Brigade

"Before I started this campaign, I spoke with the Chapter Master of the Black Hornets; he advised me to take a few companies of his troops with me as he felt that normal humans are insufficient to the task of retaking these lost worlds in our path. I thanked him, and told him that normal humans are fine for me. He insisted; I thanked him again, and told him that my decision was final: I need no superwarriors when I have the fine men of the Guard with me. He walked away, muttering that I would be sorry. Well, now I need to ask you a favor: will you please help me prove him wrong?"
—Navarre to the Iron Brigade before the the assault on Hive Promere, the battle of Zeron.



1st Klien Mechanised


"Life in the guard's best lived inside a tank"
—General Xybar


"I'd rather have a company of klienian tanks at my back than a company of stormtroups"
—General LeKlien
"I hate those Mechanised Regiments. Especially those Klienians. Stuck-up prats. So when I had to to serve alongside them, I stole their officer's rations and bled the radiators on their transports. Then I stole their antifreeze to make moonshine, got wasted and slept with their women. Now they have a reason to hate me back."
Deacon Coletrane talking about the Klien Mechanised


"How can we not rejoice? The Emperor has made all the methods of killing and destruction we possess, each and every one, a sacrament!"
—Colonel Lorne


Missies Squad



"Are you Cadian? "

"Yes but I don't see ho....


—Sgt Major Sarhus Leves



"I don't make threats. I make promises"
—Sgt Major Sarhus Leves



"I don't know what scares me most; the enemy or HER squad"
—Cadian Guadsmen

The Mudkips


"You! In the back! You're not kicking enough ass!"
—Major Henry Rutgot, training a company of Mudkips.
"Try to stay alive"
—Motto of the Mudkips


"No, I don't "like" them. Where did you hear that from?"
—Anonymous Imperial Guardsman on Mudkips
"Damn newbies, they know that mudkips are frogs on our Home-planet, right?"
—Anonymous Telanian warlord on The Mudkips.


Karlees Navarre


"I need no superwarriors when I have the fine men of the Guard with me."
—Karlees Navarre
"Scum. One and all; Emperor bless 'em."
—Karlees Navarre
"A commander's job, first and foremost, is to keep his men alive; if your men are all dead, you can't do anything else."
—Karlees Navarre
"The most important quality in a commander is a lack of stupidity."
—Karlees Navarre
"While duty to the emperor is obviously the purest motivation a man can have, appealing to his 'baser' motives, such as love of home and family, can yield surprising results."
—Karlees Navarre, in one of his sarcastic moods


"Heretic? Heresy is subjective. He has yet to turn his back on the Emperor, and that is enough to disprove any accusations of Heresy for me."
Inquisitor Caleb Harlan


Colonel Charles Edward Oman

"Anybody know how to say 'Go Frot yourself' in Tau?"
—Charles Edward Oman,54th Amerikon
"'Victory or Death' Who talks like that?"
—Charles Edward Oman, 54th Amerikon

   "Listen carefully: I - do - not - want - a - Psyker!"

    "I understand your concerns, Colonel -"

     "No you don't, You really don't."

--Charles Edward Oman to Sanctioned Psyker Raynie Claud

   "So, what would the great Commissar Cain do in this situation?"

"With respect, Colonel, Cain would never have gotten into this mess in the first place!"

--Charles Edward Oman and Commissar Nepos Macillan

"Oh, and Colonel, tell your ladies to leave some for the rest of us okay?"
—Oman to Stoengerd





Telanian Warlords


"Who needs super human strength when all you need is morale, loyalty, and discipline? We don't."
—Anonymous Azerothian Warlord shock trooper joking with a Argent Vanguard space marine, in the next battle this shock trooper slew several chaos soldiers after his squad was killed.
"These orks like fire eh? Lets show 'em lads!"
—Anonymous Azerothian Warlords Commissar


"Pretentious blowhards."
—Anonymous Mudkip
"He talked himself up. He mouthed off, he went on and on and on. Talked so much I'd picked most of his pockets before he was half-way through the rigmarole."
—Deacon Coletrane

John Thomas


"I need no officers to fight."
—John Thomas(attrib.)
"Men fight harder for their homes and families than they ever could for the Emperor"
—John Thomas
"I'd rather die than surrender, because what they'd do to me if I was taken alive is far worse than death"
—John Thomas on fighting the Iron Warriors traitor Marines
"Kill 'em, kill 'em, kill 'em; eventually they'll run out"
—John Thomas, in answer to a question on his strategy during the Kommanche guerrilla war
"In battle, you're either killing or dying. So don't stop not dying!"
—John Thomas


"An arrogant, defiant man; if only he didn't hold all the cards"
—Commissar Kuode





""We Varraconi aren't as flashy as the Stormtroopers; as bloodthirsty as the Hivers; as tough as the Deathworlders; and yet we still make 'em all look bad.""
—Sergeant John Thomas of the 1st Varraconi, commenting on over five millenia of exemplary service


""They do their duty; that's the best I'll say of anyone.""
—Farness Skrsztuszki

Velixumite 5th Rifles

"A rabble of snooty PDFers, worthless criminals, incompetent Manufactorum workers and a handful of men I can truly trust. Well, it's a start."
—Colonel Marthin Argentus upon looking over his plans for the raising of the regiment

The Vakerian Guard

"I would rather have one Vakerian Guard next to me rather then a whole squad of space marines!!! Why cause when the battles gone to shit a Vakerian wont get sentimental they will strap on his pack check his las gun and say 'are you comming you wanker'"
—A anonymous Cadian shock trooper


"Ha! Look at the Necron bastards get back up. I can only die once, but I get to kill them again and again!"
—Gunnery Sergeant Wardencliff