This article, Captain Satchel, is a non-canonical humour article written for entertainment purposes. It is not to be taken seriously, and does not need to follow any storyline in particular.
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This article, Captain Satchel, was written by Algrim Whitefang. Please do not edit this article without their explicit permission.

Captain Satchel

There is little information in regards to Satchel prior to his taking office of the 2nd Company. Stories abound, but are anecdotal at best. Tales tell of him sustaining mortal wounds that would easily fell a normal Space Marine, but time and again Captain Satchel has been known to fight on, defying all reason or logic. His promotion to the Angrier Squads was hasty and based upon the single handed slaughter of a Dark Eldar commander he encountered by chance in a bar. Though his combat record was uneventful for an Angrier Marines Squad member, he did not dwell in their ranks long before he was selected for Captainship by the Magic Hat Drawing.

Despite the numerous stories of his nigh invulnerability, Captain Satchel brushes off these stories aside. He posses unwavering resolution and indissoluble endurance, for he is the longest running Bearer of the Bag of Dylad.


  • The Bag of Dylad (Adamantine Sack Full of Power Doorknobs) - The Bag of Dylad is a two-handed power weapon that increases its bearer's strength by two. The origins of this special piece of wargear can be traced to the great crusade known as the "Punching of The Dylad System". The single loyal planet in the system fell under attack by the vile forces of Chaos. First to respond but grossly outnumbered, the Angry Marines battled in and around the Hive City capital of Dylad 2 until at last the Chapter Master (known only as The Angriest) took his Techmarines with him and went around every single home personally ripping the doorknobs off. With each knob the Techmarines attacked a power-field generator and then placed it in a sack somehow made out of adamantine weave (Angry Marines chronicles suggest they just yelled at a servitor for ages til it somehow did it), until the sack was full and an activator for every single door knob was placed on the Angriest's wrist. As the forces of Chaos rallied for a final assault, the Angry Marines went to meet them head on, and the full fury of The Angriest saw the Chaos Assault blunted until reinforcements arrived and were sworn at for being so slow. The Angriest is long since gone, died in some glorious kick ass battle or perhaps choked on a pretzel. The Bag of Dylad continues on as the mark of office of the Captain of the 2nd Company of the Angry Marines. Handed down from Captain to Captain, or rather, pried from the cold dead fingers of the previous Captain, the bag has stayed in the hands of Captain Satchel the longest, who has miraculously survived every sortie unscathed since he took office.